Many dreams come true... and some have silver linings
Led Zeppelin
--
Whoever you are, I want you to know the most important thing about me.
Over the past couple of years, since I first began to believe, I've been confused, flat out failed, given up, turned away from God, decided that I knew better than he did, and lost my fire multiple times.
Each time I tried to live for my own pursuits instead of His, my depression and insecurity that resulted in focusing on myself broke me down even further.
I was a slave to my pride for all of those years, thinking that everything good in my life was a result of my hard work and my being a good person; that I deserved everything I got.
But I don't.
I never did anything great to deserve this life. I was born, and I try to treat people right, but I'm by NO means perfect; not even slightly heroic, or deserving of the grace I've been given. I'm really selfish actually, among many other negative qualities.
Everything in life is a gift. Every day, every moment, every glimpse of beauty.
These gifts are from the One who made them. Who sculpted the earth and the heavens, and who brought you and I into creation. I don't believe you have to choose between God and science. Science is a collective study of the literal explanations for how God created, and continues to create, the universe. My love for geology does not contradict my love for God. My love for God does not undermine my intelligence, or automatically mean I disbelieve evolution. Ask me if you want to know why.
The one thing that brought me to faith, even though I had already been to years of church and bible school, was seeing a room full of thousands of people who loved him, who were singing songs and playing loud, honest, passionate music. People were talking to God, asking him questions - not kneeling in fear or droning in monotonous phrases that had been memorized.
To me, growing up in a stifled church with an atheist mind, seeing, feeling, hearing, and believing the things in that room was truly the IMPOSSIBLE. It shouldn't have happened. But it was real.
There was no altar, no robes, no organ, and the teachers of God's word never claimed to have God's "power" to "bestow blessings" nor claimed be perfect. No angry, judgmental protests. These were people who would lay down their lives for others.
This is my testimony. I've given my heart to God and I will worship Him for the rest of my life, no matter what anyone else says; true faith is believing in something even when the world tells you not to.
The world tells us to go out and fulfill our desires, whatever they may be, and that the closest you can get to happiness is a drug high, or sexual satisfaction. That WE know what's best for us, and everyone else are the ones with the problems.
But anyone can tell you is there is no secret to happiness; each time you get what you THINK will "finally" make you "happy," it fades; then what's left? A new pursuit to replace the old one. You become like a dog chasing your tail. The pursuits of humankind on earth always leave you empty. That's what I've found, at least.
You might be thinking, "There's nothing wrong with my life. I'm not in bondage. I'm perfectly happy doing life the way I've been, I've got my moral compass and it doesn't matter whether or not there's a God."
If this is you, I hope for your sake that you won't always be as close-minded as I once was. There is no such thing as a perfect life on Earth. You might think you're fine now, but the tragedy and brokenness befalls us all. And when it falls on you, will you know who's there to pick you up?
God is compassionate and faithful to those who believe. He teaches us the most through hardships, but he always carries us through. Christianity is a loving relationship with a good and generous God: not the corruptions we see on TV or the movies, not Fred Phelps and his hypocritical Westboro Baptist church, not the lies and twisted rules of Catholicism and the "holiness" of the Pope.
Jesus didn't come to point the finger at "sinners." HE came to be with us. All of us, because he loved us too much to stay away.
All he asks is that we seek to be with him, too.
If you never try, you'll never know.
